I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.

Friday, January 30, 2009



those who are invited. here are the details for my party.

date : 8th feb 2009 (sunday)
time : 8.30pm - 12.00am
venue : Hartamas Square (food court)
dress code : anything you desire.

p.s., you are to pay for your own food/ drinks. shisha is also included. sorry!
but cake will be provided, lol.

please rsvp by 4th feb.
hp number : 016-2078007 / 014-9399750

hope to see all of you there! :)


Wednesday, January 28, 2009


wishing all of you..
good health, etc..etc.. and more and more ang paus ;p

im still sort of rm150 to getting my camera.
so damn excited!
tho im pretty pissed that the necklace rose stand holder i wanted, and ORDERED, was sold out and wont be re-stocked. fucker, i wanna burn that store!

anyhoo.. hope you all have an awesome cny!
much loves <3


Saturday, January 17, 2009

small update

how's everyone lately?

my week was hectic.. its all bout my studies now.
i really wanna pass this shit! and therefore.. its really heartbreaking, too, to skip/cancel some events and outings D: *sobss..*

p.s., exams will be ard may and will end on the 3rd of june.
so ill be free by then. till, before college on 6th of july :O

i can still feel the butterflies in my tummy everytime mumzy talks bout o levels and college. die lar...

im only taking four subjects but thats not the point, anyway.
the point is..
i have to work my ass off.
o levels is in 4 months or less and i dunno if i can do it.


Saturday, January 10, 2009

something's wrong with the laptop

oh my. not again.
*gives very depressed i-need-the-net look*

i have no idea whats wrong with it this time. its blank! black screen, yeaps, thats all i saw D:
btw, im currently using mumzy's laptop while she's away on a business trip :O

so skewl was as boring as usual, i didnt see any changes sinced. except the fact that Jin Yin, Katherine and Zoran are no longer studying in this skewl anymore. gawd, i missh them terribly.
besides that, ive been busy studying. O Levels are in 4 months and i really dont wanna suck at it. and this time, im not graduating in this mid-year. i gave alot of thought and i think i would be splitting a few of my subjects where as i might as well take them in nov? my maths sucks.. and im not even close to finishing my books. argh. i need help with maths!

anyhoo.. anyone goin for the education fair in klcc on saturday?
i am (:
basically, to browse through some colleges and get some info and such. Jeennie Pei might be there, so i cant wait to see her!

hmm... anything else?
OH! i might be having a dinner party a few days before my bday. still thinking bout it, but yea, will let you guys know bout it soon kays?

well, i guess thats all for now..

p.s., Vivian, bear with me. i missh need you too! bwahhaha xD

Sunday, January 4, 2009

meet Darren and Abbie! ♥

listening to :
Who Knew by Pink

psst.. these are the soft toys that Darren bought for me! hehs
in advanced for my birthday in feb :D :D
i named them 'Abbie & Darren' =p

haha, i usually named soft toys after the person who bought them for me. but this time, its kinda different ;3
Darren liked the blue one more, so i named that after him. and the red one, after mine. haha

im looooving them ooh sooo much!!
thanks a bunch sweetie! :)


Saturday, January 3, 2009

10th year anniversary!

listening to :
Where I Stood by Missy Higgins

so i was supposed to be in ou today at ard 11am or 12pm.. but mom had to attend a meeting in subang and said to be back in an hour. funny tho, i waited from 12.. 1.. 2.. 3.. then she came back. and b4 we could leave the hse, she made me changed my outfit. i dont get it, the sun dress i wore was pretty shweet.

so, lovelies, im sorry that you guys had to wait for me for 4 hrs and that i missed watching the movie with you guys. thanks Shaun for paying for the movie ticket and sorry bout that too! what disappionted me most was when i reached ou, Carissa left at that time D:

met new frens today. shweet people like Amy, KJ and E Wei. and the sweethearts i know, Darren and Shaun :) i made an anniversary card for Darren, for our 10 years of frenship :)

not to mention, i bought the SonyGear Ear Pump! ;3 obviously the one in purple, haha. (now i can strike off my cravings list) after getting my ear pump, we went to Yippie Cup. its been so long since ive been there. Bumped into Simon and Ryan, never have we failed to hug one another, lol. so we basically walked ard ou, browse through one or two shops. at the same time, Amy and i decided to play a trick on the guys, to see if they were following us blindly or were concentrating. we went into La Senza, they guys followed us blindly, haha.

after that, spent some time in Chocolate Lounge. yumms ;3

what Darren did to / for me today :
1. he cheated on me with E Wei (right in front of me!) Lol..
2. he forgotten bout the 10th anni card i made him (was left in Amy's bag)
3. he bought me not only one soft toy, but two! ;D

that brighten my day! i seriously couldnt stop smiling.
thanks sweetie! ;D

so thats basically what we did in ou today. after everyone left, i went shopping with mom and bought a bunch of pretty clothes :) had dinner in ss2 with the twin bros, each of us order chicken chops with diff sauce.

p.s., will post up pictures as soon as i get em from KJ and Shaun.
and will soon be taking picts of the soft toys when i get my canon camera :)



listening to :
Staring At The Sun by U2

I thought you were there to catch me when I fall
But in reality you're the one who pushed me off the wall
I thought you were there to wipe away my blackest tears
But in reality you were the one that sat there and just stares
I thought I could trust with secrets so deep
You told them all and now I hope you can't get to sleep
You used me and stole from me like a real friend wouldn't do
But sadly I guess a real friend isn't you

(copied off from Ming Lin & Jing's blog)


i wish i was free of this

listening to :
It's All Over by Three Days Grace

i see him in my dreams
wish that he wasn't there
but he still haunts me and i
still feel his breath on me
still want to taste his skin

but i know that would kill me
no damn him still i choke on his lies
still reeling from his last caress his last goodbye
oh how this sickens me
this wretched fools affair

i cant erase this from me
and now it permeates
and every thought i feel
the anger writhes in my soul


Friday, January 2, 2009

new years resolutions

listening to :
Cookie Jar by Gym Class Heroes feat. The Dream

1. study harder
2. score O Levels (omg, i really have to pass this shit!)
3. catch up on my guitar (FAIL)
4. spend less, save more (FAIL)
5. stay outta trouble (FAIL)
6. keep my room clean once in awhile (FAIL)
7. enjoy life (FAIL)

see.. i said i'll work on it, and i really did. and you thought i wouldnt.
all ive gotta do now is stick to it.
tho i feel like ive yet another failed year
imma try my best..

[edit - 20/12/09] P.S., the ones ive striked off, are the ones ive achieved! :D
the ones i marked (FAIL), are the ones ive failed *obviously* to do so.


i'll give my one tomorrows for one yesterday



and now im shattered.


tagged by callie leong

listening to :
Lifeline by Angels and Airwaves

1. Do u think ure hot?
- no

2. Upload a favourite picture of urself

3. Why do u like the picture?
- did i said i like the pict?

4. When was the last time u ate pizza?
- bout a month or two ago.

5. What was the last song u listened too?
- Secret Crowds by Angels and Airwaves

6. What are u doing right now beside this?
- listening to music

7. What name do u prefer besides your name?
- hmmm.

8. 5 people to tag
- Jay Shen
- Kai Yi
- Min Hui
- Samantha Claire
- Vivian Cheah

9. who is number one?
- Jay Shen, he's my childhood fren.

10. who is number three having relationship with?
- David.

11. say something about number five?
- you weird (harhar)

12. how about number four?
- shweet.

13. who is buddy number two?
- Kai Yi, also one of my childhood fren.

14. are u thinking of anyone now?
- right now, im thinking of Kee Wei.

15. if u were a dog, u will.
- be a bitch. hahah


Thursday, January 1, 2009

wherever you are, near or far ; you still are my shinning star

Sean, can you hear me?
i talked to you, im talking to you now.
its been such a long time since i did so.
i didnt wanna cry, im sorry..
words cannot describe how i miss you so much..
its yet another new year without you
i was waiting for your sms.. your call..
i was waiting.. still waiting..
then i realized that youre not here anymore
and so i called you, but there was no line
i miss your voice..
i miss you Sean..
i think its time for me to move on
i dont wanna cry every night,
talking to you..
and wishing that you'll still be here
when we both know that you wont be
i hate it when i talked to you
cause you never reply..
but remember, im not letting go, im never letting you go..
cause you'll still be a part of me..
youre in my heart..
you've always been and always will..

Mack, its almost a year since you went away..
i hoped to hear from you..
do you know that i saved our chat logs
just so when i feel like my life is falling apart way from its cripple lines
i could read your words again
i cried a few times before..
but now im smiling,
knowing that you've always been there
trying your very best to cheer me up
and making my day to its brightest..
seeing your weird funny faces through webcam was something special.
youre my sunflower, yea, thats what you are.
you talked bout sunflowers..
and i remember them.
i'll remember you.. always..

Benjamin, i missed you bro
its been half a year..
life has been the same
but im making my life a turn
im trying to make things better
ive been sober
ive quit smoking, ive been clean
and i intend to stay clean
im trying to be better.. i wanna be better..
in times i believe
i will be happy again
just wait and see.. i know i will..
i hope youre still here to guide me
in whatever situation may come
whatever happens, i'll pull through
i'll be strong
i'll make you proud..


a whole new year

"as we recall the memories of the past, many moments are engraved into our minds.. and now it's time to enter the year 2009 with a smile"
- Selina

hey people. how was your new year's eve?
mine was rather, well.. in particular, crap. yeaps, my NYE was crappy.
to find out more bout my new years eve, *click here*

during countdown hour, i saw fireworks from above the buildings across from the view of my window. its pretty colorful. watching the fireworks, i felt alone at some point.
AND, while watching the fireworks, i thought of air pollution. haha
anyhoo. did anyone of you wish for anything?
i wished for something, but its a secret. and since its a secret, well, you see.. secrets are meant to be kept private. Lols

ill post my new year resolution soon. i promised someone that ill work on it, for the first time. tho i rather he write my goals for me, haha.
i thought it was pretty pointless to have my own resolution, since i dont manage to reach for my goals. wait, have i succeeded any goals before? hmm.


bittersweet symphony

30th December 2008

i liked this day ; its a day to remember.
and ill tell you why.
its a day when i had no worries, no distraction, no absolute crap or whatsoever.

i went shopping in ou, alone.
its my first time spending time there alone for such a long time, and i kinda liked it. there wasnt any distraction to begin with.
bought lotsa clothes, mainly dresses from Kitschen. im loving this shop, despite the overprice amount of the items. and so, i spent bout rm200 in that one particular shop. not forgetting the countless hours i spent there trying on clothes. heh. it was good, it felt worth while.
as for the rest of the items i bought were, purple eyeliner, makeups, perfume. all cost bout rm100. in total amount i spent that day, was roughly rm300 or more. (i spend alot, i know. and this is why i try not to bring my wallet out)
while shopping, i wanted to purchase that necklace/bracelet holder i saw a week ago. it was a pretty holder with rose stands. but it was sold out. damnit!
other than that, had a break in Pick n' Brew restaurant before going back home. its been awhile since ive been there.

this day, made me felt like i could do anything i wanted to do, get anything i want(except that holder), or go wherever i felt like going. its hard to explain, but it was more like i was in peace :)

Alex gave me a ride home after his basketball game. he showed me a shortcut back to my place, which i had no idea of. haha, thanks!


an announcement

listening to :
Gotta Be Somebody by Nickelback

hey lovelies.. saw any changes to my blog?
well.. i did not delete my previous posts/blog. same link, but new blog :)

my old blog will be in a different link, *click* just in case you wanna read anything from there.
i thought.. i would like it so much better if i dont have to think bout my past so much.
and come to think of what Kee Wei told me. i have to agree. its about time i move on. mayb ill never let go of some things that ive been through. but to feel a little bit of happiness again, i have to at least move on from my past.

i want to be someone, better.
i want to be useful, not someone you take advantages of.
i want to be, responsible.
i wanna be wise, so i wouldnt do stupid things over and over again.
i wanna be happy.